Alright, so here's the thing. I have been doing the best I have been in more than a year, and there is nothing I want more than to stay doing the best I have been doing. The first thing I did that really helped me was I got rid of all the people that consistently hurt me, or left me feeling disappointed in any way, without balancing that by making me feel happy and accepted part of the time. See: cancellation of LJ account, disappearance on AIM, etc. I know, I know, that's isolation, but it's not. That's not how I see it. I see it as removing myself from the situations that typically lead to my feeling sad. And it's not really isolation either, because I still talk to the people that make me happy.
I stopped going on AIM because it makes me really really sad to see all my friends on and not caring enough to talk to me. So if I take away they're opportunity to talk to me, then I can't get sad about them not talking to me. It sounds stupid, I know, but it works.
I canceled my LJ account for almost the same reason, but not quite. There are situations on AIM that really, really make me sad. For example, people thinking things that aren't about them are about them. No one has even bothered to ask if anything specific was about them before they go on to make me feel like shit, even though nothing was originally about them! So since it made me feel like shit, I took myself out of the situation.
Now, lately I have been doing so well I thought I could handle coming back to those things that I took myself away from; however, people still insist on making me feel like shit (for reasons that have been essentially made up!).
People still think things not about them are about them.
I went back on AIM and someone had to remind me why I wanted to get away from him.
So I'm leaving. And that's why. Call me a bitch. Call me selfish. Write your long comments. I don't care. I am committed to making myself feel better. So fuck the rest of you that keep bringing me down.
I stopped going on AIM because it makes me really really sad to see all my friends on and not caring enough to talk to me. So if I take away they're opportunity to talk to me, then I can't get sad about them not talking to me. It sounds stupid, I know, but it works.
I canceled my LJ account for almost the same reason, but not quite. There are situations on AIM that really, really make me sad. For example, people thinking things that aren't about them are about them. No one has even bothered to ask if anything specific was about them before they go on to make me feel like shit, even though nothing was originally about them! So since it made me feel like shit, I took myself out of the situation.
Now, lately I have been doing so well I thought I could handle coming back to those things that I took myself away from; however, people still insist on making me feel like shit (for reasons that have been essentially made up!).
People still think things not about them are about them.
I went back on AIM and someone had to remind me why I wanted to get away from him.
So I'm leaving. And that's why. Call me a bitch. Call me selfish. Write your long comments. I don't care. I am committed to making myself feel better. So fuck the rest of you that keep bringing me down.
Respond
melancholy
Reflective
happy